How can others misunderstand or judge you when your motives are pure?

How can you be so misunderstood?


Have you ever felt totally misunderstood by another person?

I’m talking about a time where you were walking in complete integrity and innocence, and someone else judged you for being unkind or having ulterior motives?

These misunderstandings happen hundreds of times a day, and many times we don’t even know they’re occurring until there’s a blow up.

Then we realize not only were we not on the same page, we weren’t even in the same book!

How can it be that you could give the best of  who you are to someone and they smell “Rotten?”
Is there something wrong with the other person?

Well, here’s one reason why these misunderstandings happen.

Of the Core-Brilliance™ patterns, two are opposite.  Service and Potential are opposite, and so are Truth and Empathy.

That means the very thought patterns of these types are totally different.  One says “Up,” and the other hears “Down.”

We’ve estimated that at least 50% of our language (and actually I believe it’s a lot more than that) can be misunderstood by a person of our opposite Core-Brilliance™ type.  For instance, opposites see very important concepts in different ways.

Concepts like

  • Mercy
  • Love
  • Kindness
  • Honesty
  • Betrayal
  • Generosity
  • Harshness
  • Gentleness

Let’s use the concept of “Wasting Time.”

Wasting Time ServiceServices consider “Wasting Time” to mean “I’m ready to take action, and here you are talking about vague concepts or trying to come up with something new when what we’ve done before works fine.  You are wasting my time!”

Wasting Time PotentialPotentials (the opposite type of Service) consider “Wasting Time” to mean “I’m ready to engage my imagination and explore the ideas, and here you are giving me a list of boring details or telling me about every last detail of what you did today.  You are wasting my time!”

Sound familiar to anyone?

acbgfz0wTruths consider “Wasting Time” to mean “I’m ready to get to the bottom of this and find the truth.  You are so emotional about this matter  – it’s just fogging up the clarity.  Let’s stop wasting time and just focus on the facts.”

Wasting Time EmpathyEmpathies, (the opposite of Truths) consider “Wasting Time” to mean “I’m ready to get to the bottom of this and see how this person really feels about the situation.  You’re just focusing on objective facts and not thinking about the other person.  Let’s stop wasting time and encourage So-and-So!”

Why are you feeling misunderstood and even judged?Wow – quite a few differences!  You can see how four folks from different Core-Brilliance™ Cultures can be sitting around a table talking about the same concept, but each have totally different pictures in their heads about the meaning of those words.  We can actually think we’re all on the same page – a mom gives her daughter an instruction and her daughter looks like she gets it completely, but does the opposite.  A manager smiles, thinking his whole team is on board with the necessary task, and is shocked when it’s not done correctly and there’s division and drama among the group.

Core differences make for lively and wounding misunderstandings.

In our STEP trainings, we share the different meanings of concepts from each core, so you know where someone stands, what he’s thinking in any situation.  We’ve found that knowing the “cultures” of the four Core-Brilliance™ patterns (how they think, how they’re motivated, how they love, what brings them the most joy) helps alleviate misunderstandings before they can happen.

This means less wounds and more closeness in families, less confusion and more productivity in teams, less time wasting and more profits in business.

When you feel completely misunderstood, instead of taking it personally as if it’s a direct offense against you, consider that the root of the issue could be a Core-Brilliance™ difference.  This simple shift in your mindset can alleviate much pain and prevent damage in relationships.

Most of the time, people in your world are operating out of an innocent place and giving you their best, unaware that you think differently.  Holding a place of trust for those we love and committing to communication about our core differences can actually bring a lot of humor into the relationship, strengthen it and increase the  joy we have when we’re with each other!

Lisa Rae Preston

If you’d like to learn more about your amazing Core-Brilliance™ pattern, join us for one of our STEP into Destiny Core-Brilliance™ trainings this fall!  More information to come in an email!